eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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