i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
