Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
