one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
