Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
