Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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