i don't like sucking hair
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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