That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
