There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
