If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
