I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
