Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
