Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
