Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Randomize
