my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
