i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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