FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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