oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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