Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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