Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Holy sore nipples Batman
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
