I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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