You're completely useless in the revolution.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
