some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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