So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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