You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
