Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
