but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
