Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
