Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
