I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
this just has baby written all over it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
