You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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