I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
