He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
