shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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