I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
