She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
