How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
