he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
