I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
