what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
