do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
