I'm lost and stupid without you.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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