Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
