wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
