Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
