one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
