and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My Sexting was not on an AP level
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
