I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
