Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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