im having a threesome with these popsicles
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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