Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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