Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
